TOUCHMEDONOTTOUCHMEIAMALIVE

Monday, August 3, 1970

Fig. 001

This is a letter to the boy Brian Hall upon the news of his running away from home. It was sent by the mariner known as Admiral Admiral. To this day we have no evidence of him ever actually commanding a fleet and therefore we assume the title is, very much like the good Admiral, a complete sham.

Dear Boy,

I knew what I was getting into. I told her I didn't mind waiting. I love her. It wouldn't be... Wait. Let's go back to that first statement. You see, I didn't actually know at all. But fuck, I sure thought I did. I mean, I could stay alive until she passed. I'd be there whenever she needed me, through every up and down. And when her time was up, finally mine would be too. So I made a deal. I'd not die until she did. But let's be real, when you make a deal like that, the thought "Oh shit, she might live forever," doesn't exactly cross your mind. And it's a damn shame. I wish it had. And here's the thing: I don't even age. I made sure of it because I thought it made the most sense. If she is 80 and I'm 82 then how can I take care of her. So I stopped at 37. So did she. Maybe that sounds cool to you. Living forever, not aging any more, but it's awful. Things get boring. The world changes, sure, but not fast enough. So I make things happen. I break things, I suppose. I spark revolutions. I make buildings fall down. I burn bridges in a literal sense. And she is all that stops me from setting this world ablaze. Well, she was. I'm sorry, you still have no idea what this is about. The shuttle that went up yesterday. You know, it was all over the news. Huge deal. A group of people are going to Saturn to look for oil. And then they are setting up base on the space station. Not the small one. Not that pathetic, frail looking hunk of metal that was put up there back when the USA had a space exploration program. The big one. The one that looks like a fucking moon. Look up, into the sky. You see it? Yea, that's the one. It's absurd. I really don't understand why we need a second planet. Well, I guess I do. But They don't know what I'm going to do. They haven't one god damn idea. Anyway, again I veer from my point. She is on the shuttle. Lucky fucking her. She left me here. After all of it, she left me here. Thing is, she's kinda pissed at me. I told her why we stopped aging, and she basically told me to fuck off. As if I should apologize for trying to make sure she never got hurt. Bullshit. So anyway, tonight. Tonight the world dies. So quit packing your bags, kid. No use in running away from home now. Go back out there and tell your mom you love her.

Forever hers,
Admiral Admiral