Thursday, January 1, 1970

I saw something beneath me today.

You were my last hope. You didn't know. You'll never know. I'm pretty sure you don't read this. I have never had such a chemistry with a person. I don't know. It's like sparks were firing off. Electricity, and I wasn't grounded. I was taken aback by the approach, and the next few days that followed. It still stings to go to that spot downtown. It shouldn't. It really shouldn't. We were so short lived. I remember every day we spent together. The fireworks. The sushi. When Vikki said to me I could date you, that it was alright with her. How much the idea made me smile. How much I smiled when you said yes. The walking robot. The way that we lied together, naked. You were not ready, so we just lied there. The way you were so worried of how I'd think of you, when all you were was golden in my mind. The secret dock. We never did find that waterfall. You saw me fall from my bike, and I was so embarassed. You cheered me up though. When you sang Paramore for me. It made me shiver, how beautiful it was. You came to my sister's graduation. Met my family. Everyone really liked you. We climbed that tree. It's still my favorite tree to climb. I love it. I can't go back for a while though. We went to your little town. I almost drowned, and your sister's advice saved me. And I thought the bike situation was bad. I still hate myself a little for that moment. I must have seemed so pathetic. You sang at your high school's graduation, and it was beautiful. You kinda faltered at one part, but it wasn't as big a deal as you thought, and you still sounded amazing. And at dinner, I could tell you were upset, but I had no idea that it was that. I was crushed. I had just made you that mixtape where every songs title had the word love in it. I was such a fool. And then I destroyed everything. I'm still trying to rebuild it. And now it seems I may get the privellege of seeing a friend get everything I lost. Hey jealousy.