Saturday, January 17, 2009
How do I tell you I've been faking? That I never really did get over it? I fell apart all over again last night. this whole time I've been telling everyone the same story. I played it different. It ended even worse, I think. Now no one knows but me, and I don't want to tell them. Some actually admire me for being over it, and I think they'd resent me for it to know I wasn't really over you. Fuck. See, I never know how to put all of this down. I form it so well in my head, but the second it leaves it all looks a jumbled mess to me. I'll try this again in a bit.
Revisiting angst. Death Cab plays in the background. Eccentricity seems more vague. I'm just a carbon copy again. Oh, what it was to be so naive. Don't get me wrong. I'm still playing quite the fool. The fall guy. I don't even know what I'm getting at with that statement, though. I had quite a bit to drink last night. Oh, I'm at work right now. I almost said that I'm working, but you know I don't get paid to blog, so clearly I'm not actually working. A fellow just told me Death Cab is his favorite band. He's the only customer in the store and I just happen to be playing his favorite album ever. That almost never happens to people. Anyway, back to drinking last night. I don't know if you know this, but I'm quite the emotional person when I drink. This isn't to say that I am sad, I'm just a very extreme projection of emotions. Happiness, anger, love; it's all there. Last night sadness hit me. That's always the worst. I end up almost seeking out ways to further the sadness. Then it becomes anger. Any sad person eventually becomes angry. Angry at whatever it is that made you sad. Angry in general. Can I just say that I don't blame him. Don't bother trying to guess who. You're wrong. I promise. But really, he had every right. He saw what I saw. Why not, then? Back to last night. Actually, I'm not sure where this story was going. I was upset. Bla bla bla. What do you care, right?